Aita for searching my husband

I’ve (28) been with my husband (31) for 5 years, married for 2. One daughter (almost 3 I’ll use v for her name) I love and appreciate my husband, he provides for our family and does a good job taking care of us, he’s a sweet man who has so much potential but he wastes it outside He’s always loved camping/being outside and I thought it was cute at first but at this point I find it hard ... One ongoing issue we have is my husband’s frugality. He likes to control my spending and have the final say on how he uses his earnings. It’s worth mentioning that I’ve never used any of his income and have no intention to do so. However, the main point of contention between us is his frequent visits to food banks. Mar 1, 2022 · However, this time, the submission is from a pregnant woman who thinks her sister-in-law might be encouraging a friend to flirt with her husband, and the wife wants to know if she's imagining ... What starts off as just a couple viewpoints that are a ‘little’ toxic and a ‘tad’ extreme becomes an entire identity based in anger and hatred. It is poison to children. Every single one of my fathers children struggles with mental health issues, depression, CPTSD, self harm, and even suicidal ideation. OP get a family photo of your family and include your husband smiling to mail to every member of his family. Put it in a nice frame with your maiden name family engraved on the frame. Have children and send constant photos of the new baby giggling with your parents and siblings. In the past he has expressed insecurity about it because I'm not financially dependent on him anymore. That said, in 9 years together, I've always worked, contributed to vacations, found crazy cheap travel deals ($600 to New Zealand, $500 to Tunisia, etc), and I've done 90% of the cooking. He's not my sugar daddy. My husband just happened to walk by and when he saw me searching his pants pockets. He rushed in yelling at me to put his pants down. I already had a folded piece of paper out but he snatched it then started screaming at me about how I have no respect for his privacy and that I shouldn't be getting my hands on his things.YTA. He was there for you even though he did not want to be. You let yourself stew on him being in the kitchen on his phone (90% of the world can't go 5 minutes without looking at their phone so what is the big deal). You decided to leave because of that and he kept telling you to stay and have fun with your friends. AITA for ignoring my husband. I ( Carla 30) am six months pregnant with my husband's ( Harry 31) baby. Harry and I have been married for a year and two days and I'm pregnant with our first child. During this pregnancy, I've been very exhausted everyday and would usually come home from work and go to bed an hour later, then I'd wake up at ... Context: my husband [33] used to be unemployed for a year, he recently started a job at a warehouse. Yesterday, and while I was about to do the laundry, I grabbed his work pants and digged my hand in it's pockets to empty them before putting it in the washing machine like I always do. But I tried. And my husband supported me. My mental health improved greatly with his support, although I still had a myriad of other issues making holding a job difficult. After having my son, I had multiple surgeries to save my life, and we decided I would take a break from working and focus of recovery and parenthood. It doesn’t matter WHO it is. Then she wants him to stop crying over it, not go to the funeral, and thinks it’s creepy he was given a small portion of her ashes. That was his best friend. It doesn’t matter it’s his ex-wife. They thought it was enough to be married, but realized they’re better friends. I separated from my husband for 7 months and I saw a side of my dad and brother I never thought I would. They treated me terribly and sided with my husband completely. On multiple occasions they both told me to beg my husband for forgiveness even though we separated because of the way he was treating me. This was an important event for your husband. He pointed out the issue with your dress and asked you not to wear it. You wore the dress anyway so you got what you wanted. Then you see the pictures and surprise it's as he stated. You demand he doesn't share pictures and again you get what you wanted. Of course it’s not a problem to him that he acts emotionally immature. He gets to what he wants when he wants and not be bothered with how he affects others. This is, however, a problem for your relationship. Husband probably has no inkling how terrifying it can be to witness a grown man having a temper tantrum. Also, please be assured I do NOT think I am low-value in any way. I let my husband make me think less of myself on some levels for a short time but now I truly see it was a "him" problem. Obviously we don't share the same goals and values and he has become someone I don't recognize. I know the divorce won't be fun or easy, but I will be okay. Judgement_Bot_AITA • 3 mo. ago. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: (1) I showed up to my husband's dr appointment. Both-Enthusiasm708 Partassipant [1] • 7 mo. ago. NTA when someone is the affair partner, for however long, they have to accept that their place is not that of a family member. An AP is less than in the hierarchy in this situation, they have no legal or moral rights, that's what one accepts when they are the AP. You and your husband are evil. ESH except the forgotten son and your two children that you dragged into this that will be forgotten when your husband moves onto family #3. If his son's cancer isn't your problem, then your daughter's college shouldnt be his problem. ESH but also - f*ck the American health care system. 3. Okay this one could be a cultural thing. My dad's side of the family has events 3+ times a week and they're super important in their eyes. My mom's side we see each other at funerals, weddings and holidays. My immediate family always tried to strike a balance, but often it pissed off dad's side. Saying he doesn't want another child because you can't handle the workload is a complete joke. He is a father and should be contributing. At the very least, the two of you need counselling. You need to have a hard look at what you are getting out of this relationship while you are completely supporting him. So my husband cheated WITH me when we first met and I think there’s still some deep rooted insecurities there. Thanks again for all of the input Update: IATA. I’ve apologized for violating his privacy. And we’ve talked about my insecurities and how looking through his phone is not the answer. Thanks everyone AITA for ignoring my husband. I ( Carla 30) am six months pregnant with my husband's ( Harry 31) baby. Harry and I have been married for a year and two days and I'm pregnant with our first child. During this pregnancy, I've been very exhausted everyday and would usually come home from work and go to bed an hour later, then I'd wake up at ... But I tried. And my husband supported me. My mental health improved greatly with his support, although I still had a myriad of other issues making holding a job difficult. After having my son, I had multiple surgeries to save my life, and we decided I would take a break from working and focus of recovery and parenthood. I’d recommend you pack two sets of suitcases and drop them and the kids off at his mums too. If he expects you to clean the place, he needs to look after the kids and give you some additional free time too. If he wants to complain, he can go push four 8 pound turds out his asshole. 2.6K. 2. Judgement_Bot_AITA • 1 min. ago. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: My husband said I upset him when I said he didn't plan anything. Jul 5, 2018 · Specialk9 * July 5, 2018 at 11:59 am. Thirding this. I did everything OP did. What helped was my partner plugging away at some skills he thought (rightly) he needed before applying, then going to a career transition pro, who reviewed his resume and walked him through the interview questions and answers (including saying basically, totally get why you want to ask those pointed questions, but ... My husband has this 28F niece, Ash, daughter of his sister, Anna, 54F. Anna was financially struggling her entire life and she and her two kids live with MIL, Ash was always a weird, emo kid and I never really felt ok with her until 5 years ago, when Anna shared with my husband that Ash is a high functioning autist, it all made sense then ... Looking professional for your job is important. Make up is a part of your wardrobe. That your husband is claiming “below his dignity” on jobs that could help support his family is crazy. His degree holds no value if he sits unemployed for too long. You’re months away from your baby being able to switch to milk. My house growing up was always, if you don't like it, go to bed hungry. OP's partner has been spoiled in the past and is trying to push to see how far he can abuse OP's goodwill. 3. level 2. · 2 mo. ago Partassipant [1] No kidding. At the very least he could ask for what he wants a few hrs in advance. Her husband has only come once (the year they were engaged because he wanted to meet the extended family). This year my sister & niece came for 5 days prior to Christmas and then went home on the 21st. They spent part of Christmas Day at his aunt's house. I think my sister really wanted to visit & do our family traditions with her toddler. Daily uploads: https://www.youtube.com/c/redditdude?sub_confirmation=1Leave comments, Like and Subscribe!Love to hear your feedbacks on how we can improve th... I separated from my husband for 7 months and I saw a side of my dad and brother I never thought I would. They treated me terribly and sided with my husband completely. On multiple occasions they both told me to beg my husband for forgiveness even though we separated because of the way he was treating me. We added two F9 and M4 to the blended family. We had custody of stepson until he did an unthinkable act to my daughters in Oct. 21. SIL45 told husband he shouldn't be supporting my daughters and he should leave me, because his son needed him. Stepson moved back to be with mom well over 1500 miles away from us. OP get a family photo of your family and include your husband smiling to mail to every member of his family. Put it in a nice frame with your maiden name family engraved on the frame. Have children and send constant photos of the new baby giggling with your parents and siblings. It doesn’t matter WHO it is. Then she wants him to stop crying over it, not go to the funeral, and thinks it’s creepy he was given a small portion of her ashes. That was his best friend. It doesn’t matter it’s his ex-wife. They thought it was enough to be married, but realized they’re better friends. Thank you for fighting for Jayden/Jooneh, and I am hoping you win full custody of all of your children. Good luck in the future, and I wish Jayden/Jooneh all the love, from one member of the community to another, that they may find happiness in the future in spite of how poorly behaved their father is. 17. But I tried. And my husband supported me. My mental health improved greatly with his support, although I still had a myriad of other issues making holding a job difficult. After having my son, I had multiple surgeries to save my life, and we decided I would take a break from working and focus of recovery and parenthood. AITA For asking husband to kick out FIL. Sorry if this is too long, I (f32) and husband (35m) currently rent a big house. When we were searching for a home to rent my father in law told my husband he wanted to live with us he wanted to help us and he would pay us rent. We talked it over and split the rent 3 ways . NTA - the next time your husband tells you to "humble yourself" tell him it is time for him to take a big helping of humble pie for himself and to shut up telling you what to do. OCD or not, he needs to hear this. Yeah, I got stuck on that too. Everything was normal, overtired squabbling, until “humble yourself”. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I asked my husband's niece to give back the expensive gift we got her because she cancelled the celebration she usually does for my birthday, could be the ass because I asked her not to bring her boyfriend to the party and that is why she cancelled. My husband just happened to walk by and when he saw me searching his pants pockets. He rushed in yelling at me to put his pants down. I already had a folded piece of paper out but he snatched it then started screaming at me about how I have no respect for his privacy and that I shouldn't be getting my hands on his things.That's what my husband and I do. I'm vegetarian and do the majority of cooking. If my husband wants meat in a meal, he needs to cook it himself or we go out. He's never complained about me forcing a vegetarian diet on him. I don't force him to eat vegetarian, he is free to get meat for himself, I just don't cook meat for him. Of course it’s not a problem to him that he acts emotionally immature. He gets to what he wants when he wants and not be bothered with how he affects others. This is, however, a problem for your relationship. Husband probably has no inkling how terrifying it can be to witness a grown man having a temper tantrum. I’ve (28) been with my husband (31) for 5 years, married for 2. One daughter (almost 3 I’ll use v for her name) I love and appreciate my husband, he provides for our family and does a good job taking care of us, he’s a sweet man who has so much potential but he wastes it outside He’s always loved camping/being outside and I thought it was cute at first but at this point I find it hard ... So my husband cheated WITH me when we first met and I think there’s still some deep rooted insecurities there. Thanks again for all of the input Update: IATA. I’ve apologized for violating his privacy. And we’ve talked about my insecurities and how looking through his phone is not the answer. Thanks everyone• 43 min. ago by Gromitthedog AITA for looking at my husband's search history and finding he signed up for dating sites? My husband (46m) and I (48f) have been married for 4 years with the last year separated and trying to work things out. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I said my husband is jealous of my relationship with our daughter. 2) I think i was rude. I’d recommend you pack two sets of suitcases and drop them and the kids off at his mums too. If he expects you to clean the place, he needs to look after the kids and give you some additional free time too. If he wants to complain, he can go push four 8 pound turds out his asshole. 2.6K. 2. YTA. This is pretty controlling behavior. I turned my search history off when I was doing research on proposals....he could literally be doing anything. But I tried. And my husband supported me. My mental health improved greatly with his support, although I still had a myriad of other issues making holding a job difficult. After having my son, I had multiple surgeries to save my life, and we decided I would take a break from working and focus of recovery and parenthood. This is your legal right it is your money. If your husband won't accept this you probably need to go to marriage guidance or consider speaking to a lawyer. You certainly need to make sure that your husband is not putting all the excess money away in an account or investments only in his name. 8.9K. 33. NTA It is actually pretty common to have gifts go to the kids rather than the spouse, usually because of tax implications because the both of you seem to be doing well. Leaving the money to your husband could see a lot more going to taxes.”. “But the reality is that he doesn’t need it. Inheritances are really your money to do with, not ... That's what my husband and I do. I'm vegetarian and do the majority of cooking. If my husband wants meat in a meal, he needs to cook it himself or we go out. He's never complained about me forcing a vegetarian diet on him. I don't force him to eat vegetarian, he is free to get meat for himself, I just don't cook meat for him. This is your legal right it is your money. If your husband won't accept this you probably need to go to marriage guidance or consider speaking to a lawyer. You certainly need to make sure that your husband is not putting all the excess money away in an account or investments only in his name. 8.9K. 33. 5. You're NTA. This discussion really should have been done in private, but your husband chose not only to do it in public, but in front of the person affected. You didn't embarrass your husband in front of his friends, he did. That being said, please notice the red flags he's waving. Both-Enthusiasm708 Partassipant [1] • 7 mo. ago. NTA when someone is the affair partner, for however long, they have to accept that their place is not that of a family member. An AP is less than in the hierarchy in this situation, they have no legal or moral rights, that's what one accepts when they are the AP. Daily uploads: https://www.youtube.com/c/redditdude?sub_confirmation=1Leave comments, Like and Subscribe!Love to hear your feedbacks on how we can improve th... My husband (48M) and I (38F) were at the shopping mall to do some errands. We had to pick up some dry cleaning and tailored items, as well as do some grocery shopping. Problem is, they are both at opposite ends of the shopping centre. Instead of wasting time and doing it together, we both decided to split up, and after I had collected the dry ... • 43 min. ago by Gromitthedog AITA for looking at my husband's search history and finding he signed up for dating sites? My husband (46m) and I (48f) have been married for 4 years with the last year separated and trying to work things out.Her husband has only come once (the year they were engaged because he wanted to meet the extended family). This year my sister & niece came for 5 days prior to Christmas and then went home on the 21st. They spent part of Christmas Day at his aunt's house. I think my sister really wanted to visit & do our family traditions with her toddler. Daily uploads: https://www.youtube.com/c/redditdude?sub_confirmation=1Leave comments, Like and Subscribe!Love to hear your feedbacks on how we can improve th...The idea of looking at other people, with a possibility of lust or arousal, is often seen as some level of infidelity, and it is a perfectly valid feeling with constant issues arising among people's relationships with cheating and whatnot. In today's world, however, people who have a more open view of relationships and the human body have been ... My house growing up was always, if you don't like it, go to bed hungry. OP's partner has been spoiled in the past and is trying to push to see how far he can abuse OP's goodwill. 3. level 2. · 2 mo. ago Partassipant [1] No kidding. At the very least he could ask for what he wants a few hrs in advance. 5. You're NTA. This discussion really should have been done in private, but your husband chose not only to do it in public, but in front of the person affected. You didn't embarrass your husband in front of his friends, he did. That being said, please notice the red flags he's waving. It's like he's looking for this perfect, needle-in-a-haystack job. Meanwhile, I'm drowning in my job and housework to give him space and time. I told him he's being too picky and is eliminating huge opportunities and he got pretty upset with me. He said he just wants me to be supportive.We added two F9 and M4 to the blended family. We had custody of stepson until he did an unthinkable act to my daughters in Oct. 21. SIL45 told husband he shouldn't be supporting my daughters and he should leave me, because his son needed him. Stepson moved back to be with mom well over 1500 miles away from us. I’ve (28) been with my husband (31) for 5 years, married for 2. One daughter (almost 3 I’ll use v for her name) I love and appreciate my husband, he provides for our family and does a good job taking care of us, he’s a sweet man who has so much potential but he wastes it outside He’s always loved camping/being outside and I thought it was cute at first but at this point I find it hard ... That's what my husband and I do. I'm vegetarian and do the majority of cooking. If my husband wants meat in a meal, he needs to cook it himself or we go out. He's never complained about me forcing a vegetarian diet on him. I don't force him to eat vegetarian, he is free to get meat for himself, I just don't cook meat for him. Judgement_Bot_AITA • 3 mo. ago. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: (1) I showed up to my husband's dr appointment. 3. Okay this one could be a cultural thing. My dad's side of the family has events 3+ times a week and they're super important in their eyes. My mom's side we see each other at funerals, weddings and holidays. My immediate family always tried to strike a balance, but often it pissed off dad's side. Daily uploads: https://www.youtube.com/c/redditdude?sub_confirmation=1Leave comments, Like and Subscribe!Love to hear your feedbacks on how we can improve th...Yes, he probably has a problem but you can only help people who actually want help and it is not ops job to break her back to fix him. And I honestly think you are guilting op and that you advise is actually harmful here- even if you are correct. Op doesn't use the insults you contribute to her account of the story. You keep saying he doesn’t leave the house, but that’s his choice, he’s a SAHD. You leaving your house for vacation would be the same for him. He also does all the work around the house. You sound like a misogynist with the reversal of these gender stereotypes. It does not seem like you enjoy your husband’s company. Pretty much this. NTA, of course. But that's almost besides the point. The real question isn't whether OP is an asshole or not. It's whether her husband is so psychotically cruel that he'd intentionally torment kids who just lost their father, or if he is just too dumb to realize that he unintentionally tormented said kids and absolutely should apologize profusely, repeatedly, and ASAP. NTA. In my household once you are 10, you do your own laundry. If my 10 year old boys can do laundry, your grown man can do laundry. Now I have one two adults sons who do their own laundry and a just turned 9 year old who is almost there. And my husband has always done his own. The only thing I or hubby do for the house is towels and linens. My husband though works very long hours, sometimes close to 16 hours a day. He’s a hospitalists at a hospital nearly an hour away. I love my husband, we’ve been together since high school but he’s never home. He works 7 days a week, some days are shorter then others, but my husband has an issue with picking up and staying. So my husband cheated WITH me when we first met and I think there’s still some deep rooted insecurities there. Thanks again for all of the input Update: IATA. I’ve apologized for violating his privacy. And we’ve talked about my insecurities and how looking through his phone is not the answer. Thanks everyoneMy husband just happened to walk by and when he saw me searching his pants pockets. He rushed in yelling at me to put his pants down. I already had a folded piece of paper out but he snatched it then started screaming at me about how I have no respect for his privacy and that I shouldn't be getting my hands on his things. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I asked my husband's niece to give back the expensive gift we got her because she cancelled the celebration she usually does for my birthday, could be the ass because I asked her not to bring her boyfriend to the party and that is why she cancelled. My house growing up was always, if you don't like it, go to bed hungry. OP's partner has been spoiled in the past and is trying to push to see how far he can abuse OP's goodwill. 3. level 2. · 2 mo. ago Partassipant [1] No kidding. At the very least he could ask for what he wants a few hrs in advance. I separated from my husband for 7 months and I saw a side of my dad and brother I never thought I would. They treated me terribly and sided with my husband completely. On multiple occasions they both told me to beg my husband for forgiveness even though we separated because of the way he was treating me. My husband (48M) and I (38F) were at the shopping mall to do some errands. We had to pick up some dry cleaning and tailored items, as well as do some grocery shopping. Problem is, they are both at opposite ends of the shopping centre. Instead of wasting time and doing it together, we both decided to split up, and after I had collected the dry ... Her husband has only come once (the year they were engaged because he wanted to meet the extended family). This year my sister & niece came for 5 days prior to Christmas and then went home on the 21st. They spent part of Christmas Day at his aunt's house. I think my sister really wanted to visit & do our family traditions with her toddler. She's my friend, too, I guess. But nowhere near as friendly with me as she is with my husband. I feel often as though I'm third wheeling when I'm with them, as they'll walk ahead together, he hugs her, she laughs at all his jokes, etc. Lately, my husband has been coming inside very late as he's talking with her every night until 10:30/11pm. Judgement_Bot_AITA • 3 mo. ago. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: (1) I showed up to my husband's dr appointment. Thank you for fighting for Jayden/Jooneh, and I am hoping you win full custody of all of your children. Good luck in the future, and I wish Jayden/Jooneh all the love, from one member of the community to another, that they may find happiness in the future in spite of how poorly behaved their father is. 17. Yes, he probably has a problem but you can only help people who actually want help and it is not ops job to break her back to fix him. And I honestly think you are guilting op and that you advise is actually harmful here- even if you are correct. Op doesn't use the insults you contribute to her account of the story. My husband just happened to walk by and when he saw me searching his pants pockets. He rushed in yelling at me to put his pants down. I already had a folded piece of paper out but he snatched it then started screaming at me about how I have no respect for his privacy and that I shouldn't be getting my hands on his things. My husband just happened to walk by and when he saw me searching his pants pockets. He rushed in yelling at me to put his pants down. I already had a folded piece of paper out but he snatched it then started screaming at me about how I have no respect for his privacy and that I shouldn't be getting my hands on his things. Mar 1, 2022 · However, this time, the submission is from a pregnant woman who thinks her sister-in-law might be encouraging a friend to flirt with her husband, and the wife wants to know if she's imagining ... My husband has this 28F niece, Ash, daughter of his sister, Anna, 54F. Anna was financially struggling her entire life and she and her two kids live with MIL, Ash was always a weird, emo kid and I never really felt ok with her until 5 years ago, when Anna shared with my husband that Ash is a high functioning autist, it all made sense then ... NTA - the next time your husband tells you to "humble yourself" tell him it is time for him to take a big helping of humble pie for himself and to shut up telling you what to do. OCD or not, he needs to hear this. Yeah, I got stuck on that too. Everything was normal, overtired squabbling, until “humble yourself”. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I said my husband is jealous of my relationship with our daughter. 2) I think i was rude. | Cjuhengwrii (article) | Mpwucb.